Dear Little Brother,

Maybe it's the guilt I carry along with the burden of this disorder, but it would be foolish of me to not recognize a pain that was not only inflicted on me, but to you as well.

It sickens me. It sickens me to know that your life was sentenced to tip-toeing around an invisbile ghost. A curse on a shared bathroom and a haunting inflicted on an older sister. Maybe it's the fact that I have to live with it in my head, and I share in the pain of living with an uninvited guest. To share space with such a reckless entity is exhausting at least, and tiring at best.

I'm sorry for, what was unbeknownst to me at the time, a period of confusion for you. Although I didn't know much more than you at the time, I still carry a deep sarrow that my closest friend had to endure the anger spells cast from an invisible creature masking as your sister. How confusing it must have been for you.

Two kids fighting with an invisible person. Truly thats what it was. And being in the position I am in now, I have to take full responsibility for this boulder on my back.

You should have been able to brush your teeth in the shared bathoom instead of mom and dads bathroom. You should have been able to have free floor space without your sister's make-shift bed in the center of it because her OCD wouldn't allow her to sleep in her own room. You shouldn't have had to explain to your friends when they came over why your sister had to check the bathroom every time someone used it.

You held my triggers in the palm of your hand and protected them. Protected them from others as well. You let me cry and cared when I did. You let me sleep on your floor and didn't get mad when my compulsions pushed you out of the way. The most loving person I know, who continues to put others before himself, I can never explain to you how sorry I am for what I didn't understand at the time.

How lucky my OCD was to have such an accommodating brother.

You did what was best for me over yourself and I am forever thankful for you. My OCD journey was not walked alone. And while you were forced down that path, I am grateful you still held my hand.

I love you always

-Your Sister